I WAS SPEECHLESS and I STILL AM.  BUT…..

By: h. nazan ışık—

10 December 2023—

What is grief? According to Oxford Dictionaries “Grief is a very sad feeling, especially when somebody dies. It is something that makes you feel very sad.”

In 2020 my one and only sibling, my only brother died.

My brother’s birthday is 26 December, and he died on 24 December 2020.

 I was very sad. I wrote about my feelings every day, religiously. But writing wasn’t enough. 

 In 2021 I decided to write about my feelings with pictures.

There is a saying: Time is the best medicine.

Maybe it is but, Holidays and Birthdays always remind us of our loved ones more.

And 2023 I decided to listen my inner voice, to understand my feelings deeply,  and to picture them again.

Here are some images of how I felt in 2020 and 2021.

My brother’s Birthday is coming soon. 26 December!

I don’t cry anymore. 

One day I saw the shadow of a tree on a white wall.

.

It was beautiful.

I remember in 2021, I had seen three birds, like a family, flying together freely, happily, in that cloudless, open blue sky.

Like my loved ones.; My father, my mother and my brother! That was a good feeling.

One day from my window I noticed a tree with beautiful white flowers which made me smile.

They were all reminders that I should see the beauty. Not only see it but feel it as well.

And I did. And I opened my heart.

 I used to see this picture as if they were saying “Goodbye, farewell ” to me.

Now, I see it as they are with me, we are together, we are all smiling. Happily saying ” Stay well, see you soon !”

And now,

I remember happy, good old days.

It is interesting, how we feel, how our feelings change, how WE change makes a project an ongoing one. Is this one going to be an ongoing one?

We’ll see what 2024 will bring !!!

Photos: © h. nazan ışık